I’d forgotten how good it feels when I meet a deadline on time. The relief, the “thank God it’s over” feeling, and the warm fuzziness I get inside… This lasts until I’m hit with another deadline.

For some reason, I find it hard to work at a computer. There’s too many distractions floating around on my screen, and before I know it, I’ve wasted several hours watching videos when I should be writing transcripts. Sometimes, I’ll  deliver things hours late, sometimes even days. But whatever I am late for, it makes me feel extremely guilty. Especially if I’m supposed to be getting paid for it, and there’s no other person that can do it.

The guilt I feel when I hand in something late has become such a frequent part of my life that it had started to feel normal. Get told to do something by a certain date, miss that date completely, spend time freaking out because it’s late, finally managing to do it, and freaking out again because it doesn’t reflect well with my employers.

Today, when I actually did something on time, the feelings of happiness it gave me reminded me that the guilt I usually feel when I miss a deadline isn’t normal.

Which makes the guilt I’m going to feel tomorrow for missing another deadline all the worse.