Happy Father’s Day, everyone. For those of you without fathers/those who think this ‘holiday’ is a pisstake/those who are just a tiny bit bitter about the whole thing, I’ve devised this handy little drinking game for you. The rules are simple. All you need is a strong drink and a will to turn on the TV.

Drink when:

• Someone says the word “dad.”
• Someone says the word “daddy.”
• Someone says the word “father,” etc. etc. You know the drill.
• Someone shares a dad anecdote.
• A voiceover wishes you a happy father’s day.
• An annoying presenter on TV talks about how awesome their dad is.
• Someone does a shoutout to their dad on live TV.
• There’s a family comedy on TV about a dad: think Three Men and a Baby.
• There’s a programme about “World’s Worst Dads.”
• An advert pops up about last minute gifts for your dad.
• Your friends keep talking about what they got their dads/forgot to get their dads/how great their fathers are.
• The websites you’re on are filled with dad-related stuff from friends.
• The tech blogs you love have articles on “gadgets that will make your dad happy.”
• All those fathers on TV make you feel a little bit wistful.
• You feel a little bit sad about the whole thing.
• You eventually get pissed off with the outside world and turn everything off.

BONUS ROUND (just because): Drink whenever someone with a German or Spanish accent says a dad-related word. Examples include German guys saying “Fazzer!!!111!” or “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

tl;dr version: Drink whenever anything dad-related comes up.